Есть человек, есть проблема.

[Did you miss this creepy yet somewhat adorable yet very fucking creepy guy? Well it would seem that your prayers have been answered, because here he is on the Dreamberry network once again, and in his hands, he holds a book. It's not a real book, unfortunately. He couldn't find the story he was looking for, so he got a blank fancy journal and filled in the story from memory.]

Privyet! Who would like to hear wonderful story?

Once upon a time, there lived old man and woman. They were impoverished and lacking the most basic of resources due to harsh economic conditions and lack of work but managed to scrape up small bits of remaining flour and butter until there was enough to make small kolobok.

[He turns the book around so that it's facing the Dreamberry and everyone can see the little bread ball he drew -- aww, it even has a smiling face and rosy cheeks.]

Kolobok was left on windowsill to cool. He jumped off to escape. Soon, he ran into hungry rabbit. Rabbit asked where Kolobok was running to, and Kolobok answered with song:

I was scraped from cabinets
fried in butter
chilled on window
fled from grandpa
fled from grandma
and will now flee from you.

[The story then continues in a very similar fashion, and Kolobok runs into a hungry wolf and a bear. Each time, he repeats the song, adds a line about the last foe he managed to escape, and flees.]

...Then Kolobok ran into hungry fox. Fox asked, "Where are you running to, little Kolobok, my sweet friend?" Kolobok answered again:

I was scraped from cabinets
fried in butter
chilled on window
fled from grandpa
fled from grandma
fled from rabbit
fled from wolf
fled from bear
and will now flee from you.

But fox was very clever. He told Kolobok, "I cannot hear you! Come sit on my snout and say again." Kolobok did so, but fox claimed to not hear again. "Come sit on my tongue and say again," he suggested. Kolobok did so...

And he was eaten.

[...Russian folk tales tend to not end well.]

So! What was moral of story?

Happy Victory Day, fellow Sommunists!

[Yes, he is still calling you that whether you like it or not. It just sounds better, in his opinion.]

Today is anniversary of victory over Nazi Germany in Great Patriotic War! I would normally have great celebration prepared, but time and resources have been limited. Instead, I invite everyone to join me at cottage five for vodka and sharing of war stories!

Greetings, fellow Sommunists. I would like to propose toast to dearly departed friend America.

[He lifts up an entire bottle of vodka. Glasses are for wimps.]

May you never show your hideous face here again!

You have reached Russia. I am not able to answer your call at this moment, so please leave message and I will return your call when I feel like it.

If you breathe into phone and leave me blank message, I will hunt you down and maim all your loved ones.

Have a nice day!

[beeeeeeep]

[Character name] Ivan Braginski (Russia)
[Canon] Axis Powers Hetalia
[Point in time taken from canon] Modern-day

[Age] Unknown, but very old. Physically, appears to be in his 20's.
[Gender] Male
[Sexual Orientation] Hetero

[Eye Color] Purple
[Hair Color] Blond
[Height] 182 cm (5' 11.6")
[Other] Big-boned, always wears that scarf
[Clothing] Here!

( Rest under the cut. )